The Handy Dandy Square

31 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by sitanshi talati-parikh in Humour, Publication: Verve Magazine

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Published Verve Magazine, Verve Man Supplement, October 2011

The handkerchief – once a permanent resident of a gentleman’s pocket – is hardly to be seen, but this accessory still has its uses….

There’s something about a well-dressed man that has me waxing eloquent on more than one occasion. While most men today are considerate towards our eyes and have upped their grooming quotient remarkably, it does send the heart in a tizzy when you spy that devilish, impertinent, cheeky little square punching a direct access to our emotions right out of the pocket. Tissues replaced handkerchiefs with ease – really does no one care about trees anymore? And we can never have the mid-century British moment of a flutter-and-swoon with the gentleman’s hanky popping out promptly to the rescue. With the disappearance of the hanky, came the appearance of the less-than-perfect man, whatever Raymond may claim. But the gregarious pocket square may save the day: in its beautiful sateen avatar, it promises a lifetime of care.

12 fortuitous ways in which the pocket square may come to the rescue:

When there is a snivelling bride. And you are the solicitous groom with pleasant manners.
When you are the best man at your buddy’s wedding and the delectable bridesmaid is having an emotional moment. The pocket square ensures that you will have a lucky night.
Offering it to patch up the teensy-weensy sari blouse the girl next to you on the dance floor has managed to rip with an enthusiastic move.
Serenading the woman of your dreams by dashing off poetry at a moment’s notice on your pale pink square and handing it to her by going down on one knee.
After points #2 – #4 have worked, using it for some impromptu S&M.
Knowing that you both scored a 100 per cent compatibility ratio in point #5, leaving your square with your number written on it with her lipstick to plan the next date.
Using it innovatively to gain miles for your mile high club membership.
Blindfolding your date before throwing her off a plane as you surprise her with a skydiving-and-dinner plan.
Using it as loincloth, when she takes her revenge and runs away with your pants after leaving you in the Jacuzzi.
Wowing your betrothed with vows scrawled in a flourish on the initialled-square and handed to her with her favourite piece of jewellery.
When the elderly auntie right next to you is looking with quiet desperation for a tissue to quickly spit her tobacco…or paan before
she has to make a lengthy speech about an enjoyable and hitherto utterly uneventful 75 years of marriage.
You can use it as a gag for the auntie who makes it a point to nudge you repeatedly to ask you if you are next, while you play best man at your buddy’s wedding.

Verve Man: The mysterious appeal of these men…

16 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by sitanshi talati-parikh in Features & Trends, Publication: Verve Magazine

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Bollywood, indiancinema, Karan Johar, Men, Politics, Salman Khan, vervemagazine

Published: Verve Magazine, October 2012, Verve Man supplement

The Mysterious Appeal of These Men: Salman, Chetan, Rahul, Karan and Sachin. (Admit it – you knew their last names as you read it.)
In a perfect world, we want to see people who are famous because they know their craft exceedingly well – the ones who are untouchable because you can’t surpass their talent. It puts them on a pedestal of excellence and it silences detractors. Sometimes there are those who may or may not have talent, but have an x-factor, which makes them incredibly appealing to a large number of people. Sitanshi Talati-Parikh decodes the controversial appeal of five successful men across industries

Salman Khan, actor
In a recent TV interview, Salman Khan said something that sounded ridiculously ostentatious. But if you take it in context of who he is as a person – simple and direct – you would understand that he was just stating the obvious. Ek Tha Tiger’s release and people’s reaction to that movie and others before it, Dabangg and Bodyguard in particular, lend complete strength to the fact that Salman Khan exists in the industry for his fans. (And he has many of them.) As he points out, if you need an actor to play a role, there are many people to choose from. A director and producer will think of Salman Khan, only when they want the full Salman-Khan-ness in a particular film. He’s unapologetic about who he is or what makes him popular among the masses. He’s also matter-of-fact about his popularity, without being self-propagandizing. It doesn’t matter whether the movie has a story, or whether the film is completely OTT, or even that the character does the strangest things – like manage to pop the buttons of his shirt as he struts. His style of dancing – not updated over the years, but true to form with certain pelvic thrusts or iconic hand gestures; his action sequences, where he isn’t a hero, he is a super hero; his romancing – which is stilted and subdued; are all aspects of the Salman Khan phenomena that his viewers expect. It’s suggested that he dresses like James Dean and picks nuances from Dharmendra; two actors he believes should be closely watched. And in his smile, lies his resemblance to Dean, though he doesn’t smile enough – off screen and on it. While his cinema may be regressive in it’s form, it’s appeal – rather his appeal – remains eternal. He has consciously chosen to be a performer and entertainer, and removed himself from being an actor. And yet, maybe it was his cleverest move, the secret formula to being one of the biggest movie stars of the Indian film industry. Behind his rather simplistic appeal, quotes and choices, lies a sharp brain that has managed to find a bankable spot in the industry. He has, very possibly gauged his strengths and weaknesses, and put his money in just the right place.

Chetan Bhagat, writer
Some time ago, on an episode of Love2HateU, the celebrity guest was Chetan Bhagat. The poor girl – the ‘hater’ – stood no chance against Bhagat’s generous Gandhi-ism, so beatifically patronizing and condescending. But that’s Chetan Bhagat – a huge icon and idol to some and an even huger eyebrow raiser to others. Bhagat’s success – and he is astonishingly successful – is because he has crawled through the cracks and found his target audience. And what a target audience that is. The non-readers. Instead of churning out a highbrow book filled with beautiful metaphors and aiming for the Booker-reading intellectuals, Bhagat does what he does best – appeal to those that have admittedly never read a book before. And therein lies his claim to fame. Bhagat has automatically found his safety in numbers. While Bhagat makes no pretentions about his literary aspirations, he basks in his own stupendous success, often lying on a raft of self-appreciation. And what irks people is that his raft never, ever capsizes. Top models can have a bad hair day, brilliant directors can have a box office flop, the Sensex can crash, but Chetan Bhagat only goes from strength to strength. As he smugly states, ‘I’m happy to be on this show (Love2HateU) because my new book has just released and I want to know that there are people who don’t like what I do, not just people who enjoy my books.’

Rahul Gandhi, politician
Is it possible to bank a country’s future, its political aspirations on a set of irrepressible dimples? While our democracy is far more discerning than that (we hope) it is true that as the younger Gandhi scion grew up, a great deal of hope was vested on his future. He had the political pedigree, and most importantly he looked the part. It didn’t really matter what he said – or didn’t say – he was just so easy on the eye. Every woman could imagine him at the helm of India, attending the topmost international discussions and global summit roundtables looking stupendous representing India. And yet, that hasn’t really played out well for him – while remaining a member of Parliament, he hasn’t proven himself as a strong candidate for the topmost office of the country – despite the looks. Whether he manages to get any further, we can only wait and watch, and hope that there is more depth to him than his dimples, or India may end up having her own frat-boy-politician in the making, served up American style.

Karan Johar, director
You watch Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge and you see that plump friend of the hero, put there so that the hero can shine. A school misfit, no one would have guessed that Karan Johar would become a phenomenon. Johar has lived his high school misses through his films – creating the candy-floss make-believe world that he would have liked to be a part of, making his protagonist (more often than not played by his buddy Shah Rukh Khan) the popular kid in school. The kid Johar should have been, going by his current personality. What he may have been unable to achieve in his school years, he’s more than managed in his adult life. He is the force behind one of the biggest production houses in Hindi cinema, Dharma Productions, his movies do record business, he can make or break an actor or director, and often can control the future of a movie star, as evidenced by his power over the future of one top actress who wound up in his bad books. His talk show became an iconic talking point at every Koffee-table conversation. His rapid-fire questions allowed for his sharp wit, humour and personality to shine through, even if he did demonstrate that he lives happily in his own industry bubble. Only on Simi Garewal’s show did any of his vulnerability come to the fore. Johar is a complex animal, but his success is because of these complexities and layers to his personality. With Student of the Year in the offing, we wish we would move beyond the chasm of his youth to the brilliant success of his grown-up years in his directorial offerings. But would that be a cathartic story worth telling?

Sachin Tendulkar, sportsman
The Master Blaster. Anything said against him is akin to blasphemy. How did a supremely talented teenage kid manage to bear the weight of a nation’s hopes on his young shoulders? One who should just concentrate on the game is made to feel like the savior of the country. Every poor man’s hopes, every rich man’s dreams are with Sachin Tendulkar as he takes strike after strike. As if that were not enough, he had to attempt captaining the Indian cricket team. It’s a wonder he didn’t retire early, just to find inner peace. He has dealt with it all with equanimity – reminiscent of great players like Roger Federer in tennis – where nothing sways him. Victory brings a smile
, and when he’s down, he’s generally outwardly calm. Children are named after him in quick succession, he is revered to the point of blind faith, and he can do no wrong. Even if he gets out in duck thrice in a row, it’s okay because he has given us many centuries before. People cannot be logical around Tendulkar, he is more than human, he is God. With anyone else it would be dangerous, this blind idolization. As Wright Thompson in an insightful study on his charisma pointed out – Tendulkar’s meteoric rise took place in parallel to India as a country and economy opening up. He symbolizes everything we dream and wish for, all that is balanced and good. He steadies our racing hearts; he lives our greatest hopes. And he does it all with a clean chit. He makes people feel good – about themselves and their country, and he gives people a sense that we can be better, that we can be the best. And he forms the bridge – between the insecurity of the past and the brash confidence of the future.

Dangerous Liaisons: Men we hate to love (Indian cinema)

14 Wednesday Dec 2011

Posted by sitanshi talati-parikh in Art, Literature & Culture, Features & Trends, Publication: Verve Magazine

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Bollywood, indiancinema, Men

Published: Verve Man, October 2011

Some say women are suckers for punishment, others believe that the young rebellious teen attracts the irresponsible Willoughby, while a grown woman is always in want of a decent man. History is witness to many a woman falling flat in the face while chasing a rogue beau. Sitanshi Talati-Parikh examines the shining Indian silver screen examples of lovable dangerous men

Straight-laced men don’t make for racy fantasies, skipping heartbeats and sexual tension. They lack the edge, the drive, the sizzle, the power to tug at our heartstrings and wreak sweet havoc with our lives. Women are attracted to danger like a moth to a flame – there has to be reason that phrase has become a cliché. There’s something inordinately sexy about a man who knows what he wants and will stop at nothing to get it. Getting a playboy’s attention is not necessarily about a notch on the belt as much as it is about being alluring enough to grab his attention. And deep down inside, every woman attracted to a naughty bloke feels that somewhere, there is a chance that she can fix him. That she can be the person he will surrender to, will change for, and will eventually become some version of the Utopian male they have in their head. And so they all fall.

They Work With Passion

This obsession with the men who are not quite toeing the line possibly began with Amitabh Bachchan’s Angry Young Man. Not a bad lot, but a man who is roaring with discontent – he’s full of testosterone, a desire to avenge all that’s wrong. He’s not passive. He’s not even passive-aggressive. He’s raging male. With a whole bunch of adolescent hormones. You know he has passion – for what he believes in – and you can easily imagine how that would translate – in bed and out of it. Shahenshah’s (1988) avenger became Shah Rukh Khan in Baazigar (1993). He played his hands, the cards turned in his favour and he got his own back, albeit with a massive amount of gore. The cinema of the 70s through the 80s threw up seething, vengeful heroes, those who were not apologetic about treading on a few lives. Recently, Aamir Khan’s Ghajini (2008) – with Khan’s character looming large over the messy revenge scene – in his own words, brought back the action genre with a Dabangg (2010).

They Steal Our Hearts

With the exception of chiseled-chin Vinod Khanna who debuted in cinema as the bad guy, it is only post 2000 that we have become somewhat sophisticated about our wayward heroes. Hrithik Roshan in Dhoom 2 (2006) oozed charm and stunning sex appeal – he didn’t even have an excuse about being bad, he just was.

Luckily though he wasn’t out to kill anyone, just cop a few shiny ones. Maybe it is the Dhoom franchise that has successfully converted our picture-perfect heroes into those with grey shades. Who cares if the guy you date is a bit of a thief? If he looks half as good as John Abraham from Dhoom (2004) or Roshan, or can provide half as much intellectual stimulation as Aamir Khan (the upcoming villain in Dhoom 3)…that would be a love life worth writing home about. Moot to point out that no one really notices the unshaven, paunchy good guy, the cop: Abhishek Bachchan. Has anyone ever wanted the good guy to lose as badly as in the Dhoom movies?

They Kill Us Softly With One Look

Going back a few years, can one deny that Saif Ali Khan actually became sizzling hot on screen in 2004 – in his comeback era – in the completely negative role Ek Hasina Thi? Which girl wouldn’t succumb to his charms? He made being a rogue look cool. And soon after in Being Cyrus (2005). All this, while maintaining his status quo as a premier romantic hero; and ironically, if not surprisingly, consolidating his screen appeal with repeated negative roles – including that of the recent clandestine terrorist in Kurbaan (2009).

They Play Good Cop, Bad Cop With Our Emotions

Anil Kapoor in Ram Lakhan. Was he good or was he bad? It’s hard to tell, even after watching the classic repeatedly. In Shahenshah, Amitabh Bachchan played an ineffectual corrupt cop, while fighting for justice, out of the system. Women go weak-kneed over a man in uniform, especially if it’s an errant cop out to play Robin Hood. The success of Dabangg – and Salman Khan shaking his uniformed body to national hysteria – heralds the revival of cop dramas and high-risk love lives.

They Cleverly Win Us Over

Ishwar ‘Langda’ Tyagi in Omkara (2006) completely took the movie to different heights, and the disgust one felt for the character was smudged with grudging admiration. You give a man brains and his mental prowess is bound to not go unnoticed.

They Wield Power Over Our Thoughts

Ajay Devgn made underworld dons appear cool – with an enviable display of control, smoothness and above all, power. As Al Pacino proved in Scarface (1983) that power attracts women, Devgn proved it with Company (2002) and a few years later with Once Upon A Time In Mumbai (2010). In fact, in OUATIM, Emraan Hashmi managed to keep his girl by his side despite ill-treating her. Katrina Kaif’s character fell in love with the Pratap politicians – played by Ranbir Kapoor and Arjun Rampal – who preferred to work the wrong side of the system in Raajneeti (2010). Forget women, even film-maker and actor Farhan Akhtar admits a strange fascination with Don’s character, leading him to remake the old classic. There is a natural instinct in women – as much as they like to nurture, they like to be protected. And who better to protect them than an unstoppable man who can rule a better part of the world?

Their Good Outweighs Their Bad?

Movies on real-life characters tend to tread on eggshells, portraying a primarily positive perspective of characters that have been perceived as heading down the wrong path. Guru (2007), for instance, portrayed the protagonist, Gurubhai (loosely based on Dhirubhai Ambani) in a very favourable light, in the role of an inspiring leader. Sarkar (2005), where Amitabh Bachchan plays a character assumed to be based on Bal Thakeray, creatively designed like The Godfather, showed him to be a man of steel and goodness parcelled with a lack of concern for human life.

They Win Our Sympathy

While Shiney Ahuja’s character in Gangster (2006) and Sanjay Dutt’s Raghu in Vaastav (1999), were all about the fallen man – looking desperately for love’s respite or salvation, Imran Khan’s Kabir in Kidnap (2008) saved face with his inner good guy winning over the bad. John Abraham touched a soft spot in his I’m-a-terrorist-but-a-good-guy in New York (2009). You may not be able to love these characters, but they do win your sympathy – and strangely that is a way into women’s hearts, sometimes.

They Need Rescuing

A step up from the sympathy vote is actually pulling them out of the quagmire. Abhay Deol has made it his prerogative to be the lack-lustre hero – think Dev D (2009) in particular – who’s always finding himself and losing his love. His women have to deal with his incapacities, and many love him despite it. Sanjay Dutt’s Ballu in Khalnayak (1993) immortalized the hero who loved, lost and died a pitiful love life.

They Have Converted from Lover to Lover Boy

You know this has to be about Salman Khan. He made every girl fall in love with Prem from Maine Pyar Kiya (1989) and then ran away from this good guy image, and embraced that of the playa. He played the field in every possible movie – even played the role of the playing-the-field-mentor in No Entry (2005), and carried a successful bunch of romantic comedies on merely his inability to remain faithful.

And so it goes that there’s nothing like a wayward love interest to make life a bunch of prickly roses. And there’s probably a make-your-bed-and-lie-on-it pun there somewhere….