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sitanshi talati-parikh

sitanshi talati-parikh

Tag Archives: romance

Fiction: Slow Romance of Snow and Ice

03 Tuesday Oct 2017

Posted by sitanshi talati-parikh in Fiction, Publication: Verve Magazine, Travel Stories

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Budapest, Dubrovnik, Fiction, Honeymoon, Love, Prague, romance, Travel, Verve Magazine

Published: Verve Magazine, September 2017
Illustration by Tanuja Ramani

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There was a nip in the air. Some may call it a frozen point of time. We only felt a warm suffusing feeling surge through our bodies. Snow clung to our eyelashes, curling inwards to stay warm. Not for long of course, as it would melt and trickle down as tepid water. The streets were soulless, twisting and winding with buildings huddled together to stay snug. The pebble stones of Europe, forming delicious curves as lovers’ feet grind against them and with tourists’ enthusiastic tread, were not visible under the thick blanket of snow. Lush, deep and virginal, it looked from afar like a down feather comforter; you could tuck your toes in and wriggle under, dreaming of spring blossoms.

Perhaps it was a stretch to think we would fuel our love in the dead of winter. But marriages in Mumbai happen in balmy breezes and some may say the true test of romance is to kindle fires in the bitter cold. Discovering the dark history of the Continent under the beating sun of summer was for philistines. The ones with character and mettle surrounded themselves with the reflecting light of gas lamps that looked hazy in the crackling air. The pink blush that crept into our cheeks, the rosy-blue temper of our lips, and the slow embrace to beat the diving temperature battled desire and made way for an old-world romance.

We began to imagine a life on the calmer side of Prague’s Malá Strana. On the Charles Bridge, 30 baroque statues towered broodingly, and the Gothic shadows fell long on those evocative 500 metres, telling tales of darker times. There had been blood on the walls, there had been lovers who held hands, until the bridge, which was meant to forge ties, separated them. It described a time of mystery and madness; moments of furore. The placid mise en scene belied this, but the mind knew better. The heart beat faster, keeping pace with the pounding feet as the lovers were chased by naysayers. The silence around was deafening. If only the waves of River Vltava would crash mercilessly to calm the heart. If the world made noise, the mind could be silent. Summer was a pretence. A pretence to understand the truth of a city. It was sunshine and flowers and happy, smiling people. They all returned to their broken lives. In the harshness of winter the gaps were visible, the thoughts flooded in, mending what could not be ignored. There was nothing to hide behind. You faced the music in silence.

It was not always silent in Prague. If the opera house sang a tune, then the fervent chatter at the Christmas markets spun yarns. Stories of people’s lives, of cheer, of celebrated moments over hot mulled wine floated through the-Romanesque-making-sweet-love-to-the-Gothic 10th-century Old Town square in metaphysical abandon. Turning the pages of time via Josefov (the Jewish quarter), the 14th-century Wenceslas Square or Church of Our Lady before Týn along the way. The Prague Castle, the seat of the Holy Roman Empire, Czechoslovakia and now the Czech Republic, where the Bohemian crown jewels reside, had etchings in stone that you could see with your mind’s eye; Saint Vitus Cathedral held silhouettes in its arms. Standing at the gates outside, taking in the spired city that had been enveloped in white to depict a false sense of innocence, you saw the grey in the hidden courtyards of the cobbled alleys.

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Our fingers curled together, knitting patterns on the rough wooden table. Our breaths came out in steamy bursts, condensation clung to our lips. We were lovers from the turn of the 20th century, escaping reality for a few moments into the golden age of beautiful Budapest through its coffee houses like the Művész that we wandered into. Or the overt passion of a kert, an open-air ‘ruin pub’ that demands that you huddle together. Close enough that your mind stopped thinking. Enough to lead you to one of Budapest’s ‘secret’ thermal baths fed by natural springs to help you cool off, topped off with Gellért’s thermal spa to rejuvenate and prepare for another day. Perhaps a day that could be lived in contemporary times, where Nobu would play truant with Buddha-Bar, where we drank ourselves into deep inebriation and whispered the night away.

The Danube severed the large city, but it seemed whole. Like the marriage of two individuals with very distinct personalities. The castle district on one side of the Danube had many stories to speak of, but we could only see the chapters through the monuments, or while making our way, hand-in-hand, through the 2,200 metres of the Szemlõhegyi caves riddled with mineral precipitations. You couldn’t miss the bullet holes and shrapnel etched on buildings, or the sharpness of the Hungarian art on display at the National Gallery in Buda Castle (accessed by a funicular ride), even as the castle gates’ menacing black figures in wrought iron gazed watchfully as you dared to enter. And yet, the city had mellowed. It glowed with a quiet dignity, as you stood on one of its eight bridges, staring into the deceptive darkness with lights liberally splattered like war paint, glittering like a bejewelled bride, ready to come into her own.

She held me close. We swirled in silence. Her head only reached my chin, but we fit. I imagined the ballerinas pirouetting gracefully last night. In the peak of winter, the opera houses opened up in all their grandeur. The best artistes swung into action, the lights shone bright, the opulence of the performing chambers was larger than life. This was not the touristy show of the summer, this was art. At the Hungarian State Opera House a story that told the tale of a better time unfolded. Or worse, depending on how you looked at it. And then, we were on the city ice rink. Even as the beautiful castle tried desperately to throw a reflection on the brittle surface riddled by skating figures, I knew the city couldn’t hold a candle to my love at first site: Prague. As Franz Kafka imagined it, perhaps while sitting in Cafe Milena, ‘Prague never lets you go. This dear little mother has sharp claws.’

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We walked the 1,940 metres of Dubrovnik’s walls, the first of which were built in the 9th century. It usually takes about two hours, it took us six. Not because we fought against the throngs of the summer tourists; rather, the car-free streets were achingly bare as the locals had long left the historical old town for the modern suburbs. It made room for moments of passion that snuck into fortified medieval corners, cold baroque buildings, against darkened glass storefronts that were shrouded with our steamy breath, under spindly naked branches that shivered with passion and showered a cascade of white dust on us. Melting fast on your face as you held her close. As you parted and found your jacket soaked. We were drawn into the Dubrovnik Winter festival, filled with the pulsating beats that mirrored our pulses, food that satiated the senses but never the gnawing hunger inside, and a continuation of the mulled wine journey that flowed like blood in our veins. Or the rich sounds from the Dubrovnik Symphony Orchestra, for culture had nothing to do with beaches and sun tans, and bonds are forged over the soaring notes of classical harmony. Perhaps there were those who were looking for King’s Landing, but there was another song of ice and fire that we experienced, and it had nothing to do with games or thrones.

Set inside a Napoleonic fort near the city’s cable-car station, a permanent exhibition in the war museum is dedicated to the siege of Dubrovnik during the Homeland War of the 1990s, where the local defenders stationed inside the fort ensured the city wasn’t captured. The walls of Dubrovnik may be strong and thick, but the turrets and towers also had aching stories to tell, as long as you stood and listened. Moments of war and peace, moments of passion that died, and lives lived to the fullest.

High above the city in the cable car, we took in the twinkling lights in silence. No jostling crowds, just us. Lonely in our togetherness. Through this mystical honeymoon, we spoke, and we remained quiet. We found a comfort in knowing that we don’t know. We accepted reality, we knew we would go back to find ourselves, fill in the gaps. After all, we were women of the world.

Love Actually?

04 Thursday Sep 2014

Posted by sitanshi talati-parikh in Publication: Verve Magazine, Social Chronicles

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Anti-View, Marriage, romance, Verve Magazine

Published: Verve Magazine, September 2014, Anti-View

Does love play an important role in Indian marriages today? A country that survives on celluloid rom-coms may be choosing practicality in real life

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We grew up watching those regressive movies where everyone was always against love – marriage had to be a meeting of two families, economic status, caste, creed, sect, religion, language and mithai. Mishti doi couldn’t find place on the same platter as sevaiyaan for goodness’ sake! And then our Bollywood kings and queens would come swooping in with goose-bumpy tales of love, of love that conquers all.

We would sigh with pleasure when our heroes circumvented all odds and came together in holy matrimony. After taking the sacred pheras, no evil could befall them, and they would remain cocooned in the power of love.

Of course movies like Akele Hum, Akele Tum (1995), Chalte Chalte (2003) and Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (2006) attempted to showcase the reality of marriage – that after the rose-tinted glasses are replaced with the horn-rimmed ones, it’s never quite happily ever after.

People can’t change and while their circumstances may, can love overcome it all? When director Imtiaz Ali and I sat together to concoct a love story by meshing Jab We Met and Love Aaj Kal together for Verve, he pointed out that there is a reason that love stories end when they do. No one needs to face the reality of actually making a life together afterwards – people need to walk away with hope.

In urban India, the youth is no longer enamoured by love. Where earlier parents chose the partners for their children and the latter rebelliously yearned to be with who they wanted to be, today, the youth decides upon marriage via a purely clinical checklist. If the top criteria are met, it shall make a successful partnership. So in a way, it has come a full circle, where choices are made based on practical external factors rather than mushy feelings and red hot desire – the only difference is that the youth is willing to make those decisions if the parents won’t. After all, people are getting more practical by the day – can one survive life on love alone; doesn’t a country club membership and a neat set of wheels make life a smooth ride?

What has changed? Love isn’t a benchmark any more. You are lucky if the one you love also meets the points on the general marriage checklist; but it seems that people are more and more willing to go for things most important to them – economic comfort, a nuclear set-up, an easy-going partner and similar ideologies on travel (including the pursuit of a deep-sea diving certification). And it’s not settling for someone, it’s a well-considered arrangement that is legally bound to end happily ever after. Who shall dare to ask for more?

The Unromance of Realism

07 Thursday Apr 2011

Posted by sitanshi talati-parikh in Musings, Social Chronicles

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Bollywood, communication, India, Realism, relationships, romance

With sexting and instant messaging, relationships have become just that – instant and ephemeral. Books and films have emulated these real-life changes with often not-so-interesting results. Has the romance in art – and relationships – died?

What defines society today is words and connections. What separates this generation from the ones before is the power of the spoken word. We think that technology is what has changed us, made us the people that move faster, think faster and behave fast. While that may be true in some part, what has empowered technology has been content – online jargon for words. Thoughts, bubbles, discussions, emoticons, replies, retorts, criticism, feedback, conversations, investigations, observations, retweets, status updates…the list goes on.  This generation has increased communication by communicating less and with fewer words. It faces the task of dealing with information overload while constantly putting out more information. The oxymorons define the mindset of today – a generation that wants everything, wants everything super quick and instantly accessible and doesn’t really have the time or the patience to sift, read, ponder. That is where texts, BlackBerry messages, tweets and status updates are the de facto means of communication. It is rare for anyone to pick up the phone and have a good old-fashioned chat, in the generation that prefers to stick to a far more impersonal, but rapid form of communication. It has its own personal vocabulary: insistent abbreviations – often indecipherable to the uninitiated – and instant communication. You find people with heads bent, eyes darting and fingers moving rapidly in practiced synchronisation: rarely able to maintain eye-contact for more than a couple of minutes, rarely can a conversation run its natural old-fashioned course without interruption, as we move into an era of distracted and continuous communication and therefore, erratic and easily dismissed short-lived relationships.

Popular culture represents the dialogue and relationships of today: faster, more impatient and often meaningless. Younger filmmakers have updated their scripts to emulate real life. While underworld films picked up the nuances of the underbelly through actions and dialogue, romance in the arts has been for the longest time linked to a larger-than-life drama. Case in point: the cinema of Karan Johar or Sooraj Barjaytya. Where they update the clothes and the music, the dialogue often remains over-dramatised and pedantic. While some may argue that romance needs the dramatisation, a striking example to contest the argument is that of Saathiya – where the dialogue is rapid, off-the-street and yet, is a powerful story. There is a strong resonation with the viewer, an easy relatability, which carries the film from run-of-the-mill to sensitive and meaningful. Farhan Akhtar’s Dil Chahta Hai made the trend a popular one, taken up by film-makers like Kunal Kohli (Hum Tum) and Imtiaz Ali (Jab We Met and Love Aaj Kal).

It is the language of frankspeak  or straightspeak. Where once “You complete me” was the sigh-generating dictum, now, “I need a break” is easily said, without much angst, furor or thought. Quick answers, rapid and sometimes thoughtless decisions and a sense of bubbling impatience mark the dialogues that often don’t lead anywhere special. This is the nature of relationships of today and the conversations emulate them. Easily said, easy to bed and quick to leave – all takes place faster than a thought, and what is left are non-events. How does this make and fill the artistic and aesthetic space of a film? While Kohli-directed Hum Tum talks about a meandering relationship, When-Harry-Met-Sally-style, he pumps the story with events – which hold the weight of the relationship between the protagonists that appears to be going nowhere. In an attempt to emulate real life and their easy-come-easy-go relationships, Kohli’s recent production Break Ke Baad, directed by Danish Aslam, is a slick film that lacks a meaty story, full of ‘non-happenings’. Conversations, while witty and fresh, would make a better radio play than a long commercial movie. While this may be a comment on relationships today, the art demands a certain balance between real life and cinematic license – it demands that elements, moments and events become at the very least marginally larger than life, to create entertainment, to be watchable. Ali’s Love Aaj Kal nearly crossed the line to become over-ripe with conversations, in the same quest to describe modern-day relationships. Where LAK teetered dangerously, Jab We Met remained fresh in its cinematic experience, particularly through the crispness of dialogue and emotion.

Deepika Padukone’s character, Aaliya, in Break Ke Baad is not lovable in the traditional sense – much like Sonam Kapoor’s Aisha, she is unintentionally selfish and possibly doesn’t deserve the good guy. The industry buzz has it that Zoya Akhtar’s debut film Luck By Chance missed it’s calling because the protagonist, Vikram, was not a nice guy. We don’t feel empathy for the characters and don’t wish them to reach a happy ending. And that is dangerous ground for a film to enter in the romance genre. And it is also rather disturbing seeing that these characters have been picked from real life. Is it true, then, that we prefer the traditional romantic notion of characters that may be slightly misguided, but are nice? Even if that is not real life? So as dialogues get updated, people shouldn’t?

Two recent books speak a local language, but in entirely different ways. Anuja Chauhan’s Battle For Bittora speaks real politik – the language of local and honest-to-good (sense the irony) politics, seen through the eyes of a girl of this generation. There is amusement, cynicism and wonder. While the romance remains honest to chick lit, and the dialogues are basic, matter-of-fact and emulating real life, it is the clever writing and story that lifts this novel from being mundane to a page-turner. Where Chauhan’s effortless writing excites, first-time writer, Rhea Saran’s Girl Plus One is trying too hard, as are her heroines, to become a desi Sex and the City. Saran is not wrong in suggesting, rather obviously, the fact that Indian girls today are openly emulating Manhattan’s popular TV series; however, Saran misses Candace Bushnell’s witticisms that make all the difference between real life and drama. Would a real-life Carrie really talk in continuous innuendoes? No. She simply finds a correlation between her column and her life.

However art is updated to make it believable and real, it is obvious that the artistic license must be used to lift the dullness of real life to a heightened sense of real-life drama. In creating a believable sense of inclusion in a person’s daily, often mundane life, while bringing art into our homes, drawing rooms and bedrooms, we need to maintain a certain distance that allows us to appreciate the nuances of every character, story and relationship. These elements need to interesting and memorable, and often, real life is not. That doesn’t mean we need to regress and run around trees dancing amid roses, but it does mean that we need to assess the dramatic intent of the medium: does the film justify being larger-than-life? Does the book deserve to be printed and propped up on the ‘New Arrivals’ bookshelf rather than be a basic online blog? All in all, while pointing out the casual and matter-of-fact manner of everyday relationships, are we missing the romance in the written word and the spoken dialogue? And are we losing the romance in relationships?

And that leads me to question – do we want the old-fashioned nature of romance, or does that not matter to us anymore? Does a quick sext or a couriered designer bag charm us more than an old-fashioned hand-written note with a love song? Are we so accustomed to sentimentalising love and romance that we are unable to accept it in its matter-of-fact form anymore? If the written word stands for the way we think, then are we changing so dramatically that we question and often thwart sentimentality in its old-fashioned sense? Do we love, or do we ‘like’? Or are we confused because it is ‘too complicated’?

Romance Diaries: Knot of Love

18 Friday Feb 2011

Posted by sitanshi talati-parikh in Humour, Publication: Verve Magazine, Social Chronicles

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Marriage, romance, vervemagazine

Published: Verve Magazine, Features, February 2009
Illustration by Bappa

Does romance leave you behind at the altar or hold you even tighter in the embrace of marriage? Sitanshi Talati-Parikh traces the transition

Sitanshisdiary

It’s astonishing how deeply romantic it is to tie the knot, slip on the sparkly on your ring finger, walk down the aisle with a swishy fountain of lace behind you, or take a turn at the wedding mandap with dramatic chants sung against the sacred leaping flames. At every moment, you are shivering with anticipation, thinking of that spectacular wedding night that awaits you on a bed of roses. From the moment you drag your weary stiletto-ridden feet home after ‘receiving’ your many guests, you’re ready to crash. Literally. In a fun, wine-laced conversation at a recent bachelorette party, we did a show of hands to see how many people actually consummated their marriage on their wedding nights. The handful who did put up their hands, I’m dead sure, were all cock and bull stories, no pun intended. I mean who in their right mind actually does it on the wedding night?! One chica claimed – ‘You must – I mean, just for the heck of it – you have to! It’s your wedding night, after all!’

And that’s exactly how marriages begin. And romance begins to lose its edge. You do things because you have to, not because it’s always fun or scintillating. So what happens to the calls late into the night when you curl your toes under the covers with glee, the little pecks of promise, the anticipation of meeting soon, the entwined fingers and the burning look of intensity in the eyes that sends your spine and neck tingling with sensation? They are replaced by the harried look of multitasking chores, the absent-minded, disoriented air, the brow furrowed with concentration, the distracted monosyllabic answers at the breakfast table over coffee, toast and wireless BlackBerry compote, the intense concentration of a person who has his ambitious head turned skywards straight at the stars. I remind him it could get lonely at the top.

As I plan another vacation, in memory of the bygone days of wooing, to give me a brief glimpse into the young lovers we once were, I placate myself with the thought of a new destination that allows one to forget the responsibilities of life and focus on the simple pleasures. Like enjoying each other’s company in the companionable silence of golden sands and crashing waves. He slides his hand into mine; we flash back in time. At that moment I sense that romance never left us; we left it because of our preoccupations. The young boy’s romance has matured into a man’s love – deeper and subtler. Instead of wallowing in a time warp, I realise the romance didn’t die. It just changed, adapted, grew. The candyfloss tinted glasses fell off. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Imran Khan: The Quiet Romantic

19 Friday Feb 2010

Posted by sitanshi talati-parikh in Interviews (All), Interviews: Cinema, Publication: Verve Magazine

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Avantika Malik, Bollywood, Bushido, I Hate Luv Storys, imrankhan, indiancinema, Interview, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na, Marriage, romance, vervemagazine

Published: Verve Magazine, Verve Men, February 2010
Photograph by: Colston Julian

Recently, Imran Khan got engaged to Avantika Malik after a seven-year relationship. The poster boy of romantic cinema, in his upcoming film I Hate Luv Storys, produced by Karan Johar, plays a true-to-life character that is completely unromantic. On a set of the film, staying in reel and real avatar, the young actor talks candidly to Sitanshi Talati-Parikh about relationships past and present, the insecurities and trials, and the importance of chivalry…peppered with intermittent reflections on what he thinks (or doesn’t think) about romance demonstrated by funny pie charts, graphs and comic strips that he has saved on his laptop

Imran01

I’m honestly the least romantic person you can find, really. By conventional definitions, and by my fiancée’s definition, that is. But if she’s lasted out this long, clearly she sees something in me!

It’s not that I don’t like romance…I just don’t think it’s feasible. When you are wooing someone, you put on your game face – bathe regularly, cut your nails, take her to fancy places, buy her flowers…all of the drama. It’s a mating dance…but rather short-lived. As time goes on, how you feel about each other as people, how you treat each other as people, will determine whether your relationship will last.

And yet, I’m big on the proper proposals. I proposed to Avantika a month after we met, asking her if she would be my girlfriend – lighting her room with candles – the works. Somewhere in me, there is a classical streak – I was brought up with values of chivalry. You have to do it the right way – go down on one knee…it just doesn’t work otherwise.

You do some things because you know that they are important to someone. I’ve been working on my last four birthdays, because I couldn’t care less. To Avantika, a birthday is really important – the excitement starts to build a month-and-a-half in advance. So, I put in an effort to make a big deal about her birthday. The diamond engagement ring, the surprise proposal – while I know it’s something created as a marketing concept by the diamond company, De Beers – I knew it would mean something to Avantika, it would make her happy, so I did the whole deal. I planned the surprise proposal on her birthday (last July) at her farmhouse with a bunch of friends, complete with a red herring to throw her off course. And then, as I pulled out the ring, while going down on one knee…the expression on her face was priceless.

Avantika would want me to be more expressive. When you are in a relationship with someone for an extended period of time, you tend to take on characteristics of the other person. She’s taken on my characteristics, I know – and I have done the same. She’s calmed down a lot. All her emotions are just below the surface, and sometimes on the surface. At a moment’s notice she will erupt with love or anger or violence. My anger is more frigid – the angrier I am, the calmer I get and the softer my voice gets. It’s very brutal and it really shrivels people up. When I’m livid, it takes two sentences to bring the other person to the brink of tears. But it takes something monumental to get me angry.

I have never been jealous – particularly in this relationship with Avantika. Even right in the beginning, it never occurred to me that at any point, if she is somewhere without me, something would happen with another guy. If you’ve been messed with a few times in life, you would imagine it should, but it didn’t. I’ve cheated on one girl in my life and broke up with her the next day – couldn’t deal with the guilt. More often than not, I’ve got the raw end of the deal; it took me a very long time to get over it. There was a grand break-up, followed by extremely short-term relationships – measurable in hours – and in the aftermath of that, I met Avantika.

I had not the slightest clue when I entered the relationship that it would be for keeps. I was 19. What do you think at the time? ‘Pretty girl, I am interested in her and she in me; let’s just see how it goes.’ It started off without any specific intentions and just coasted along. It speaks for itself that we are still in it.

I think the wisdom is false that in this industry it is an advantage to be thought of as single. If you are in a committed relationship and honest about it, people respect you that much more. Emotionally, they like you more, it makes them think, ‘This is a good guy, an honest guy.’ There are enough people out there who think all Bollywood relationships are a sham. And some of them are. Avantika believes that if she were in this ‘circus’ with anyone else, it wouldn’t have lasted.

Avantika isn’t insecure, but there’s something else…. She doesn’t worry that I might get attracted to an actress or model. What I think bothers her is the fact that people talk to her because she’s my fiancée, and if she were not, they wouldn’t even look at her; or there are others who just look through her. There is a tendency in these circles to talk to people without having things in common, because you are a part of the same fraternity – and anyone not in that immediate circle gets left out.

We’ve been through two major trials recently – the first when we started shooting Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na. It involved people who had nothing to do with her life. Generally, your friends are common, but suddenly I’m spending days and nights with people whom she has never seen. That was a very difficult time – she had to come to terms with the fact that I suddenly had less time to spend with her. And the next was when Jaane Tu…had just released – suddenly I became famous and the whole world wanted a piece of me.

I’ve lived my life believing that you decide who you want to be and you can be that person. You look back, learn and move on. I don’t have any regrets about my current or past relationships. If I had done something differently with Avantika, perhaps we wouldn’t be here today. Things wouldn’t be the same.

If I fall prey to the ugliness that is a part of the underbelly of this industry, it won’t be because I am a part of this industry – it would be for the reason that any man in any job would…which is that he is done with the relationship. It certainly won’t be because I get tempted by some girl who thinks, ‘I want to sleep with an actor.’

The rumours that tabloids pick on for sensationalism can so easily sully a clean relationship. It happened to me once – and because of all the drama, all the sudden awkwardness, it has soured some friendships.

I don’t want to be in a position where I give Avantika any cause for discomfort. If I had to choose to cut a person out of my life to give Avantika that security, I would do it – I did it. The very fact that I have done this, and the fact that I have acknowledged her as my girlfriend from the beginning, gives her that kind of security. I don’t know whether she would expect this of me in the future, or as a result of my having done this, her faith in me would be stronger and I would not need to do something like that again.

I live my life by a very strict code of conduct – I believe that I must behave in a certain way, be a certain way. Everything that I do must be righteous. Commitment means a lot to me. So, hypothetically, if I was to be tired of my relationship, I would not cheat, I would say, ‘End this, and then go find another girl.’

You read about chivalry. Bushido is the samurai code of conduct – the way of the warrior. They have certain principles, where ‘to say is to do’ – your word is your bond. I was probably eight or ten when I read about these things. I loved the King Arthur legends. It was cool – armour, swords, rescuing damsels in distress, leading chaste lives…and I decided I wanted to be like these guys. It always got them into trouble with the girls – and I still get suckered by damsels in distress. It’s an inbuilt thing…every guy falls for it!

I believe if you do the right things, you don’t need grand gestures of romance. Men use these smokescreens to cover up their relationship inadequacies. I can neglect my girlfriend all day and turn up with a bunch of roses – that doesn’t make it okay. Instead, if I call her twice during the day, we stay connected. The candyfloss idea of romance is just that – paint and gloss. Paint is all very well, but it is not going to keep the rain out – it is the unglamorous bricks and mortar that will. The good guys don’t need showbiz.

Deepika Padukone: Killing Them Softly With Her Smile….

20 Friday Nov 2009

Posted by sitanshi talati-parikh in Interviews (All), Interviews: Cinema, Interviews: Cover Stories, Publication: Verve Magazine

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Bollywood, Deepika Padukone, indiancinema, Interview, Love Aaaj Kal, Prakash Padukone, Ranbir Kapoor, romance, vervemagazine

Published: Verve Magazine, Cover Story, November 2009

Photograph by: Prasad Naik

She responds to questions with wide-eyed innocence. She will giggle and toss her head, even shriek with laughter. But to get her to reveal her innermost thoughts is a real job, discovers Sitanshi Talati-Parikh as she engages Deepika Padukone, voted the ‘Hottest Girl on Earth’ by a men’s monthly, in a freewheeling chat

Deepika04

There has to be a sense of mystery,” she intones, weaving her charm around us, zapping us with those smouldering doe eyes. She is the antithesis of the ‘socially networked generation’ that keeps fans enthralled with their hour-by-hour updates. A child-woman combination: the dimples in a captivating impish face reach out to you as if wanting to say something, but with firm, resolute determination, Deepika Padukone keeps interest at bay.

I look squarely at the long-limbed, quietly self-assured girl and wonder why she constantly holds back – doesn’t let herself be understood. “Having a guard or barrier up, not telling all, is a good thing.” She flashes that 100-watt smile. I don’t melt. I’m angling for a peek. “But that peek will never end. Today you’ll peek and tomorrow someone else will say I want to peek a little more – and then there’s no mystery left!” She continues animatedly, “There’s only that much we want to share with people. We are also human beings leading normal lives. You have to keep some things – nice and not-so-nice – to yourself. Even normal people don’t share everything with their friends and family. It’s important to have people wanting to know more.” That must take some effort – being consciously ‘normal’, constantly enigmatic. “It’s not an intentional thing. It’s automatically created. I’m not someone who makes the effort to create a particular aura around myself. I mean, how do you create something like that? It’s important to just be you and be real.”

She is Meera Pandit from Imtiaz Ali’s Love Aaj Kal (2009): the strong, silent type, simmering with emotion within. “Like Meera, I absorb and understand a lot without having to say anything. Even the way I react to certain situations. In the film, Meera is silent, as she wonders why Jai has waited until her wedding day to tell her how he feels. Only people who have understood the character have understood the silence in that scene – and that’s how I am. A lot of things are better left unsaid.”

Deepika was a great co-star. She suited the role of Meera in Love Aaj Kal really well and displayed a lot of depth. She is a very quiet and professional person, and seems down to earth and very attached to home.
– Saif Ali Khan, actor

While the twirly ‘RK’ tattoo on the nape of her shapely neck stares at me defiantly, expressively and even outrageously, the girl with the tattoo remains stubbornly silent about discussing relationships – past or present. Of course the letters could stand for anything – rock king, reverse karma, renegade kitten. While Wake Up Sid star and heart-throb Ranbir Kapoor and her make a very attractive couple, the rumour mills have been suggesting turbulence. “I’ve reached a stage in my life, in the last couple of weeks, where I have become a little superstitious and I don’t want to talk about it. I am guarded now. I want to keep it to myself. I think enough has been said, stories going back and forth, people saying what they want…. As long as we know what’s happening in our lives, that’s all that matters.” Does she aim for perfection? After all, Kapoor has been recently quoted in a daily, saying, ‘I don’t want a perfect life.’ “Ranbir and I come from different families – I guess what he thinks is perfect or imperfect will be different from what I think. For me, a perfect life is when obviously everything goes my way. If I am happy doing everything I am doing, happy in the relationship I’m in, with the way my career is going, my family life, if my films are successful, if I am being appreciated for my work, if I’m eating good food…that’ll make me happy.”

Surprisingly, underneath that controlled veneer, she confesses to being a die-hard romantic. “I am a complete sucker for love and romance. I love doing those perfectly romantic things. Being in love is a beautiful feeling. I’ve written lots of love notes….” In a (desperate) bid to get an unrestrained confession, I suggest, ‘Have you ever gift-wrapped yourself?’ I am rewarded by a widening of the kaleidoscope eyes and a look of shock. “Gift-wrap myself?! NO!” A moment to reconsider – “But that’s a good idea!” She chuckles – possibly planning a 5-feet-9-inch surprise in her head. “In the kind of life we lead, the best gift that you can give is spending quality time with each other. No amount of material gifts makes any difference.” How often does that happen? “You’ve to make time for it. People think that if you are in a relationship you’re distracted, but I’m very good at balancing it out. It doesn’t mean that I am not focussed or not as driven as someone who’s single. It makes it easier, because it feels more complete. Romance can’t be defined. There’s too much theory on love and romance and relationships – you can’t go by what the textbook says. Sometimes you just need to let it be – the process and experience is different for different people. When you are in love and in a relationship, everything just falls into place.”

We certainly did not expect Deepika’s dream to be a top model to be realised so soon – it’s entirely due to her determination and clarity of thought. We are extremely proud and while we want her career to continue, it is more important that she make an effort to be a better human being and remain grounded at all times. It may look charming from the outside, but it is a very tough life.
– Prakash Padukone, father 

Adulation then. That must be a tough one. “It’s something I already knew would happen to me when I got into this profession. If you do well, that is. If you are honest to your work and performance, everything else will follow – fame, success, money. My family keeps me grounded. Fame is not new to me – I’ve seen the way my father has handled fame and success. Today it’s there, tomorrow it may not be there.” Will that be okay? “It would be if I’m not affected by it now.” But it’s a part of your life, you’re used to having it around. What happens when it’s not there? She hesitates. “I have no clue. It may be scary.”

Six films in the kitty – with romantic thriller Karthik Calling Karthik opposite Farhan Akhtar and comedy Housefull due to release next year – and she’s already worked with some of the top directors and actors, across genres. Not to mention handling a box office debacle, Chandni Chowk to China (2009), with equanimity. “You move on. I handle my successes just the way I handle my failures. Ups and downs are a part of my profession – there’s no point feeling bad about it. I’ve worked hard and as an actor I know where the film went wrong and I’ll be careful next time.”

Deepika is the epitome of an Indian beauty – regal, graceful, dignified and with a maturity well beyond her age. She has always been a consummate professional, the discipline deeply ingrained – probably from her modelling and sports background. She will go a long way.
– Farah Khan, director

It may be The Secret or just plain wilful resolution, but Padukone hasn’t found herself floundering through decisions like a radical career shift, moving from Bengaluru to Mumbai (which was a huge change for the Padukone family) and disassociating herself with beauty pageants that have been the ticket to stardom for many a model. “My mission for myself was that I would become a famous model – without taking part in a beauty pageant. It’s a great platform for certain people, but it’s not for me.” Hesitant to break away from her firmly adopted diplomacy, she explains, “I can’t compete with other people and be questioned about what I want to do. And being given points because I’ve answered a certain way – that’s just bizarre. I don’t get it.”

With ex-badminton champion Prakash Padukone as her father, a younger sister entering pro golf and the fact that Padukone herself used to play national-level badminton, it was just her single-minded knowledge of who she wanted to be – a top model – that brought her to where she is now. “I didn’t enjoy sports enough to make it a profession for the rest of my life. You just know that something is coming your way or something is meant to be and it all fell into place.” It’s like a fabulous dream, I suggest. She interjects sharply, “But I’ve also worked hard for it! Which is why this is happening to me. I’ve done the right thing at the right time. I also believe that if you really want something, it happens.” At 23, Padukone is the owner of a Mumbai home and a BMW to take her places. But she is far from resting on her laurels. “I haven’t done everything! I have a lot left to do. More films (an Indian period film, like Umrao Jaan)…and so much more in life too. At 60 I’ll hopefully be married, with a happy family…cruising somewhere. When I look back I want people to remember me as a good human being – not an actress or a famous person. If you are not a good human being, nothing else matters, how rich you are, how beautiful you are… whatever you’ve achieved doesn’t make any difference to anyone.”

I can see that the intent to be a good person is deeply ingrained. And it is this intrinsic goodness which may have been taken advantage of. Someone somewhere has touched a raw nerve and made her a hard-backed turtle – careful, diplomatic and withdrawn. I sense a deep-rooted distrust of the media. “Sometimes it (media) bothers me a little bit. It’s annoying when stories are fabricated. Check with me, clarify with me – that’s fine. When things just come out of nowhere – I’m not saying everything is false – but not everything is true. It is annoying when things are not true.” There appears to be something specific on her mind. Just as I feel that she may say something more, the moment has passed and she has reverted to her unflappable self: “If you look at everything positively, it shouldn’t matter. I can’t pick up a tabloid and read it. It might affect me for a bit but then I get into yoga and other things and I get my mind off it or get into work. There’s no point being upset over something. I like being surrounded by positive people and positivity. I get over things fast. I have no idea how I manage – it’s scary sometimes! My father in particular has been a very positive influence – ‘don’t let things affect you, if something is bothering you, talk about it, let it out.’” Obviously there was a footnote which said, talk, but be careful whom you talk to.

Deepika Speak
Greatest fear “To lose loved ones.”

Filmi buddies “Beginning with Ranbir (Kapoor) – you can’t get filmier than that! I’m in touch with a lot of actors like Asin and Bipasha Basu. We don’t hang out – we speak or sms each other once in a while. I’m pretty okay with everyone…Priyanka (Chopra) even. We used to meet earlier, now we don’t, but we’re still in touch.”

Quirks “I am obsessed with cleanliness. If I have to live with someone, I’d clean their mess too!”

Passions Work, food, playing sports, yoga.

Pet Peeves “None.” Not possible. Thinks. “None.”

the convenience of love or love in a LV bag

21 Sunday Jun 2009

Posted by sitanshi talati-parikh in Musings

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

luxurybrands, romance, Thoughts

if you really think about it, love marriages can be as much of a compromise as an arranged marriage. if you marry for love, then, unless you are really lucky, everything else is a compromise.

if you marry for material satisfaction, then unless you are very lucky, love is a compromise.

the bottom line, life is a compromise. the only difference being, you choose your compromises.

in fact, life has come a full cycle. If you go back in time you would realise that marriages were arranged – for the best possible choice, with often no choice in the matter. Soon after, the next generation adopted the concept of love marriages – where love mattered more than the options it came with (or at least we hope so, it is indeed massive generalisation). And now, we see an era of mad love taking place in the younglings (a mere few years younger than us): they are experiencing true love in the louis vuitton.

marriage is now once again a convenience – it is an arrangement of convenient love that comes in the shape, size and price of a (or many a) designer handbag. the mantra: “he does love me so, he always buys me the best!” if we need a brand to define who we are, then we do indeed suffer from distastrously low self-esteem.

Who we are is and shall not be determined by who or what we wear, carry or hang out with – it should be something that emanates from us – a greater sense of being, a whole person. if you were to be remembered, how do you think people would describe you? With or without your handbag?

|  Filling the gaps between words.  |

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